I Tim. 4:12 NKJV " Let no one despise your youth, but be an example to the believers in word, in conduct, in love, in spirit, in faith, in purity."
Paul instructed Timothy to be an example in spite of his young age. Timothy was to be an example in word, in conduct, in love, in spirit, in faith, and in purity. Our youth should learn to be an example as well. But how can they be an example unless they are taught?
Our heavenly Father, the Master Designer, has planned for us to teach our children about modesty, morality, and Christian values. If we, as parents, don't teach our children, their peers and our worldly society will.
The Bible gives examples of both positive and negative parental influence on the character development of children. One positive example is that of Abraham. In Genesis 18.19 the Lord spoke of Abraham: "For I have chosen him, so that he may command his children and his household after him to keep the way of the LORD..." Abraham was to teach his children and his household.
Joshua is another godly example. Joshua 24:15 "If it is disagreeable in your sight to serve the LORD, choose for yourselves today whom you will serve: whether the gods which your fathers served which were beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites in whose land you are living; but as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD." As Joshua pleaded with the Israelites to give up idolatry, he committed to follow what God commands, for himself and for his family.
In the New Testament, we have Timothy as an example of how children can be influenced in a positive way by parents. We know that Timothy was taught the Scripture and righteous living from childhood by his mother and his grandmother.
On the other hand, Eli is an example of how parents can be a negative influence their children.
"Now the sons of Eli were worthless men; they did not know the LORD." (1 Samuel 2.12) "In that day I will carry out against Eli all that I have spoken concerning his house, from beginning to end. "For I have told him that I am about to judge his house forever for the iniquity which he knew, because his sons brought a curse on themselves and he did not rebuke them." (1 Samuel 3.12-13) We know that these sons of Eli were Nadab and Abihu, and that even though Eli was a godly man, his sons were not. It seems that Eli didn't teach and discipline his sons properly. Is it possible that Eli was too busy with his "work" as high priest to raise his sons to be righteous?
With the Bible to guide us, one might wonder why Christians struggle to teach our children about modesty and morality. The fact of the matter is that our changing society has caused a decline in parental influence in the spiritual and moral development of children.
Wayne Jackson proclaims in the Christian Courier: "the farther youngsters are removed from parental proximity, the less likely it is that they will be molded by the benevolent influence of father and mother."
Our society began to change in a major way with the Industrial Revolution. Before the Industrial Revolution families were mostly rural and children usually helped on the family farms for much of the day. Parents and children were in close contact most of the time. With the Industrial Revolution, however, many fathers sought work in the cities, leaving the mothers home to care for the children. This change lessened the influence of the father.
This trend continued with the two world wars and other military conflicts. These events not only took fathers out of the homes for months on end, but also many mothers went to work in factories. Thus, children experienced an increased lack of parental guidance, since the parents were absent a great amount of the time.
In more modern times a large number of families have two working parents to provide for increased material needs and wants. Now days, most families cannot or choose not to live off the father's income alone. As a result, children are left to be raised more by teachers and babysitters than by mother and father.
The increasing rate of divorce is another means by which parents spend less time with their children, bouncing them back and forth between households. Add to this the worldly influence of public education, and the ungodly influence of TV, internet, and other media.
One celebrity that many of our young girls have come to admire is Miley Cyrus. Many of you first really came to know her as Hannah Montana. As she has grown up, her look and her music has taken on a more...mature…look and sound. Listen as I read for you lyrics from the title song from her latest album, Can't Be Tamed:
Miley Cyrus - “Can’t Be Tamed” Lyrics
For those who don’t know me, I can get a bit crazy Have to get my way, 24 hours a day ‘Cause I’m hot like that
Every guy everywhere just gives me mad attention Like I’m under inspection, I always get the 10s ‘Cause I’m built like that
I go through guys like money flyin’ out their hands They try to change me but they realize they can’t
And every tomorrow is a day I never planned If you’re gonna be my man, understand
(Chorus) I can’t be tamed, I can’t be saved I can’t be blamed, I can’t, can’t
This is what our very young girls are being exposed to in our society today. Is this what you want your daughter to think? Do we want our daughters to develop these attitudes toward young men? Do we want our girls to dress and behave like this young woman?
The result of the influence of our current society is this: Children are learning about modesty and morality from the areas which command the majority of their time.
The Bible teaches that parents are to teach their children to live a righteous life.
In a recent issue of the Gospel Journal Curtis Cates tells us, "The responsibility of the home in rearing children cannot be relegated to outsiders; it belongs exclusively to the parents."
The Apostle Paul speaks to fathers in Ephesians 6.4, and mothers ought to heed this as well: " And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord." (NKJ) The New American Standard Bible puts it this way: that parents are to raise their children "in the discipline and instruction of the Lord." We, as parents, are to teach and discipline our children according to the Bible.
In Deuteronomy 6.6-7 the Israelites were directed to teach their children diligently "when you sit in your house and when you walk by the way and when you lie down and when you rise up."
We all know Proverbs 22:6 "Train up a child in the way he should go, Even when he is old he will not depart from it." As Wayne Jackson puts it, "proper education involves molding the child so that when he is mature enough to make his own decisions, he will want to make the proper ones."
We should be teaching our children to value spiritual beauty and biblical modesty rather than fashion trends and worldly values. Teach your daughters to have strength and dignity as the worthy woman in Proverbs 31.
Listen to the Apostle Peter as he instructs wives, who also have the responsibility of teaching our young girls to have chaste and respectful behavior:"Your adornment must not be merely external--braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God." (verses 3-4)
Paul teaches that women are to have modest appearance and godly behavior in his first letter to Timothy: "Likewise, I want women to adorn themselves with proper clothing, modestly and discreetly, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly garments, but rather by means of good works, as is proper for women making a claim to godliness." (2.9-10)
If we want our children to please the Lord, then we should be teaching them to wear clothing that is modest and discreet. We should be teaching them good works and godly, respectful behavior.
So at what age should we start teaching them?
Consider, for a moment, an infant. Can they understand what we are trying to teach them about modesty and respectful behavior? Of course not. What about a toddler? Will they comprehend how to keep their bodies clothed properly? No. Think about the preschooler. Are they aware of clothing and appearances? Do they know something about honorable and godly behavior? I, personally, am convinced that they are beginning to understand by this age.
Around three years old is an ideal time to instill in our children that obedience to their parents and what the Bible teaches is pleasing to God, and that disrespect toward Mom or Dad is not honorable. This age is also an excellent age to start teaching our girls that dresses and shorts can be too short and that tops can show too much skin. We can also teach our boys at this age that going shirtless is immodest, Let's please not forget that boys need instruction in modest dress and behavior too!
Even while engaging in summer water-play, children can wear modest shirts and shorts over their swimsuits. Teach your children that modest behavior and clothing while swimming is not just for bible camp. Mixed swimming with others who are dressed immodestly is not appropriate. Even if you are dressed in modest and unrevealing clothing, most of the other swimmers will not be. Your children should not be encouraged to look on others who are immodest. Honestly, is it wise to take them to the public pool, the water park, or a crowded beach, even when they are little? Do you really believe they will know that it is wrong when they turn 16, 17, or 18?
Are we naïve enough to think that young men will not have improper thoughts about our daughters when they go to these places? Do you really want to be responsible for causing your young daughters and sons to stumble? It all starts when they are very little.
In my work with children I have seen little girls wearing such inappropriate clothing like off-the-shoulder tops and mini skirts that show their underwear when they sit down. I have heard a mother say of a new swimsuit she bought for her 4 year old daughter, "I like it because it looks so sexy on her!" I have heard children talk back to their parents and hit their mothers because they didn't get what they wanted. I have heard mothers beg their children to obey.
These children don't understand the inappropriateness of some clothing and certain behaviors because they have not been taught. They behave the way they do because we, as parents, don't correct their offensive behavior. Many parents don't even recognize the behavior as undesirable and give few real consequences. Children wear clothing that we, as parents, buy them. They wear the styles that we, as the adults that are charged to guide them, let them keep in their closets.
Wouldn't it be better to teach children how to be modest when they are young rather than try to turn them around after they become teenagers?
I also know of a young girl, about the age of 5, who told her mother, "I can't wear this dress any more because it's too short. The hem comes to my knee." Likewise, I know of girls who, when choosing clothing, have asked, "Does this shirt show too much of my shoulders?" The mothers of these children do not worry about what their daughters will be wearing when they become teenagers. It may be hard to find long shorts and long-enough dresses in the stores, but girls taught properly won't even be interested in the current fashions that are not modest.
I know from personal experience that a person can wear jeans and long pants all throughout the summer, even as far south as Texas, without melting! All it takes is the proper state of mind and the desire to do what is right in God's eyes...no matter what.
Listen to some valuable words of wisdom from our trusted brother, Curtis Cates: "A parent must realize the critical responsibility of rearing, training, those eternal souls who are placed in his hands." Parents should teach "children to have the courage of their convictions, teaching the sons manhood and the daughters womanhood as described in the Bible."
It is my fervent prayer that you parents will teach your children about character, morality, and modesty while they are young, that you will give them a firm foundation before our worldly society teaches them differently.
I invite you…each one of you…to join me and other faithful women to have the courage to be that example that God would have us to be to the other women and girls in your lives.
